Lost and Found
by Jack Kendle
Chapter 7
The rest of the week dragged slowly by. Hannah and I had come to some sort of truce; I even managed to make love to her, but I was going through the motions, my eyes closed and my mind elsewhere: Leo. I'm sure Hannah wasn't convinced of my sincerity, but, give her credit, she didn't mention my obvious shortcomings. I felt as though I had just got away with it again. Mentally, I breathed a sigh of relief. But how long could this state of affairs last? I saw what a shit I was being to Hannah. It wasn't her fault that I was gay, that I had married her under false pretences. I tried to put myself in her position. She had every right, I suppose, to be angry and upset with me. And confused as to why I was being so cool. But there it was. I had made my bed, figuratively speaking, and I had to lie in it. I deliberately tried being nicer to Hannah, paying her compliments, even suggesting we get a sitter and go to the movies and a meal. I didn't know
whether she thought my new behaviour was a cover-up for a supposed affair, but she didn't make any comments. Instead, I felt as though she, too, was making an effort. In the event, we had a nice evening on Thursday and there was the glimmer of the old Hannah now and again through the evening. Despite my sexual orientation, I am truly fond of my wife... I just wish we could be friends and that sex would not rear its ugly head and ruin it all. I knew, however, that was impossible. For Hannah, sex was what marriage was about. I just wanted companionship. How I wish we could one day just dispense with the conjugal obligations altogether and just be friends. Some hope.
On Friday morning I got a call from Elsa Nielsen, Leo's mother. When I heard her voice, I broke out in a cold sweat. Had I been found out? Had Leo let something slip? I cleared my throat nervously, ready to deny everything. But she said something I was least expecting.
"Jack, I just wanted to 'phone and say thank you for Leo's extra coaching. He is so keen to do well and he really insisted. I hope you don't mind. I know how busy you already are. He really looks up to you, you know. I just hope he isn't being a pest. If you really can't find the time, then I understand."
"Elsa," I interrupted, "It's fine by me. Anything I can do to help him. And before you say anything, I won't accept payment. I'm just glad that someone is keen enough. I know how much this orchestra means to Leo, especially since we are going on tour to Europe. It's a pleasure for me." I didn't add what kind of pleasure it was for me to be able to be close to that beautiful young man. Even while talking to his mother, I was picturing Leo in my mind and became instantly hard.
"Well, if you're absolutely sure about payment… You're too kind, Jack. At least let me invite you and Hannah for a meal sometime. Say tomorrow evening? It's the least we can do."
My heart skipped a beat. I would be at Leo's house, be with Leo, see Leo... "I'm sure that'll be fine, Elsa," I said somehow or other: "I'll check with Hannah and get back to you. Okay?"
"Fine," she replied. "And, Jack?"
"Yes'"
"Thank you again for Leo. He seems so much happier now. Frankly, Felix and I have been worried about him recently. He's been so moody and withdrawn, and we can't get a word out of him if there is something the matter."
"I expect it's the usual teenage angst," I lied. "He'll probably pull through it." I really hoped he would, but how?
"I suppose so," said Elsa. "You'll keep an eye on him for me will you, Jack? I'm sure you're right, but it's unlike Leo to be so moody. He doesn't seem to have any close friends. I'm worried that he might be being bullied at school or something. He just won't say."
"Talk to his school," I suggested. "But I'll keep an eye on him as well, Elsa."
"Thanks, Jack. So hopefully we'll see you tomorrow evening, say seven-thirty. It'll be very casual, just you, Hannah and the family, so don't get all dressed up."
"I'll get back to you, Elsa, and thanks. 'Bye."
I clicked off my cell. I'd be only too happy to keep an eye on Leo. I'd keep both eyes on him, all the time, if I only could!
I was still hard. Boy, what an effect that boy had on me!
I called Hannah to see if we had any plans for the following evening.
"Sounds fine to me," she said, "but don't forget Tommy's soccer match tomorrow. He's really keen we be there."
"I won't," I promised.
I called Elsa back to confirm.
"Looking forward to it, Jack," she said. "Leo tells me he wants to show you something he's working on on his computer. Don't let him become a pest. But I'm glad you and he seem to be getting on. I remember when Cat was going through her 'difficult' years you were always so supportive. We really appreciate what you are doing for our kids."
"No more!" I said. "You'll swell my already saintly head!" We laughed and said our goodbyes.
I felt such a fraud. I was lusting after her teenage son. To my credit, I had drawn the parameters, but, God, I was sorely tempted! Sure, I have a knack with teenagers, but most of my experience had been with the female of the species. I knew, somehow, how to communicate with them on their level, without talking down to them and being patronising. I enjoyed their company in, particular the senior orchestra. We were a bunch of friends, I liked to think. I really did not want to jeopardise my job by letting my desires get out of control over a boy. Too much at stake.
Sighing, I got on with my work. Mentally counting the hours and minutes before I saw Leo again at rehearsal the next morning. I also had the prospect of Daniel, whom I was to meet for the first time before rehearsal. I wondered what kind of a kid he would be. Another blond Adonis? Or maybe just a nerd with acne. Ms Tomason had said he was a 'live-wire, with attitude.' I wondered in what form this would manifest itself. I wasn't too worried, I felt I could handle teens; this was just another case of rebellion or something: usually quite controllable with the right psychology. It didn't matter what this Daniel looked like, he wouldn't measure up to Leo. No one could compare with my Leo. How could anyone be so perfect in every detail? Well, I had to imagine some details, but I couldn't imagine that the rest of him was not as beautiful. My imagination began to run riot. This wouldn't do!! I was a grown man, with a job and a mortgage and taxes
and here I was, mooning over a boy like a lovestruck pubescent girl! Except lovestruck pubescent girls didn't get such aching hard-ons like I was experiencing!!
The day dragged on. I organised the music for the rehearsal the following day, taught my students, sat at a faculty meeting and looked forward to finishing for the day.
That evening, I cried off the usual Friday trip to Hannah's mother, saying I had too much stuff to prepare for the following day and I wanted to get on with my composing. I reckon I did my duty by visiting Rosie, Hannah's mother and for once, Hannah didn't give me a hard time.
"The kids want to sleep over at my mother's and I might have to go into the office after dinner, so I suppose you're off the hook for tonight, Jack." I wondered what it was that called Hannah into the office on a Friday evening, but I paid it scant attention. My mind was already elsewhere. I needed to talk to Jacob and catch up with my e-mails, so being alone for the evening was fine by me. Hannah and the kids left, and I took the opportunity for a large scotch and a leisurely shower. The hot jets of water pummelled my body and for the umpteenth time that day, I found myself fantasising about Leo.
Here, with me, in the shower. I saw before me the slim figure; the lustrous blond hair, now wet and darker, pushed back from his brow... his clear startlingly blue eyes under their sweeping lashes as he gazed back into my face. His face, flushed from the excitement and heat of the water, covered in droplets of water that trickled down his cheeks, down, over the rest of his body, joining the cascade of hot water from the showerhead. I traced the line of his jaw, ran my fingers over his cupid-bow mouth. I loved the gap between his nose and mouth; one of the sexiest parts of a boy, I think. Not a trace of any facial hair, just a faint down where one day his sideburns would be. The water cascaded over us both, warm and sensuous; an extra caress to add to ours. My hands stroked down the sides of his neck, where they joined the shoulders. The gentle curve of which led me on to his collarbone. Teenage boys are soooooo sexy! Tracing down his sternum, I gently
tweaked his already erect nipples, brown nubs that demanded my extra attentions. I bent forward and used my tongue to heighten the sensation. Water from the shower lubricated my tongue as I licked and nibbled. I knew it was being appreciated, from the husky moans issuing from that delicious throat. My hands continued their slow, deliberate journey, over the ribs, down to his slim hips. I moved my hands together over the flat belly, to the belly-button, a sweet little "innie." His stomach was perfectly flat and smooth, no clear muscular definition as yet, Leo was not much of a sportsman, I knew, but he was lean and without an extra ounce of fat. As my fingers gently brushed his stomach, they came up against the head of his cock, which was standing proud, erect and throbbing under the warm jets of water. I gazed down at his magnificent tool. About five inches, maybe six, Leo was uncut, the pink head peeping out at me from the foreskin. A thatch of
hardly-discernible blond hairs nestled at the root of his cock, below which hung his sac. The warmth from the water meant his balls hung low, the left slightly lower than the right. They were about the size of two small plums and as yet, the scrotum was completely hairless. With the thumb and forefinger of my right hand, I gently peeled back the foreskin, whilst I cupped his balls in my left. 'What a piece of work is a man!' The quote came unbidden into my mind as Leo's moans became yet more insistent. I would prefer to say 'boy' instead of man! His cockhead emerged fully, the glans flared, the piss-slit oozing precum. I pulled the foreskin back further and it seemed to me Leo's cock enlarged even more, his soft skin encasing a rod of steel: velvety smooth, yet ragingly hard at one and the same time. I rolled his balls between my fingers: they felt like well lubricated orbs in their sac. Still holding his teencock, my left hand slid between
his legs and gently I stroked the area behind his luscious balls and his anus. I could feel Leo's legs trembling, as he flung an arm about me, to hold himself up. His moans redoubled in intensity. It would not be long now, before this teen would lose any self-control he might possess and let himself go over the edge. He had flung his head back, eyes closed behind fluttering lashes, mouth open as his moans grew louder and his breathing speeded up. I closed my fist round his rock hard tool and began to pump in earnest. Like the impatient youth he was, I knew he would want to cum and cum quickly; one day he would learn the pleasures of prolonging arousal and reaching orgasm. For now, he was just a sperm-machine; 'get 'em out and get 'em out quick'! I obligingly pumped away and almost with no warning, my Leo had reached orgasm: arching his back, his weight entirely on the arm about my neck, he screamed out as jet after jet of creamy white boycum
shot from his purple cockhead with great force, I felt the wads splattering against my chest and stomach, even under the shower's jets. My left hand supported him under his perfect bubble butt and I gradually slowed my right hand as the orgasm slowly ran its course. He must have shot five or six strong ropes of cum and as I slowed the pace, the boyjuice diminished to a trickle, then drops, then it was over.
Gradually, my mind returned to the present. I was leaning against the shower wall, one hand holding my turgid cock, the other gripping the handrail. I had cum hard and strong, the evidence being sluiced down the plughole in the shower floor, with the residue of my semen still trickling down over my hand. I was spent, emotionally and physically. I was gasping for breath and my legs were quite literally shaking. It had been an intense time. Too intense. Thinking of how my life was in reality and how I wanted my life to be, I found myself beginning to weep. I could see no way that what I had just imagined would ever become fact. I stood under the hot water and swore at the world, my wife, everything which had led me to this: jerking off in a shower alone, fantasising about a beautiful boy instead of living the dream. Eventually my self-pity lessened and I resolved that however shitty my life had become at least I had my fantasies... and Jacob to talk to. I
turned off the water and dried myself off. I needed to chat with Jacob. Grabbing a scotch on the way I went to the den and booted up the 'puter. Opening up the IM, I saw Jacob was online. He always seemed to be there when I needed him. I only hoped he didn't think I was some sort of whinger. I hoped that I could be of as much help to him as he was to me.
Violinist has signed in
Jacob (online) says: Hiya! ☺
Violinist says: Hi Jacob. How r u 2day?
Jacob says: Fine. You? How's things going?
Violinist says: OK, spoze.
Jacob says: You alone?
Violinist says: Yeah, H and the kids are away for the evening.
Jacob says: What are you doing with yourself?
Violinist says: Cheeky! ;-)
Jacob says: Your mind is like a cesspit ☺
Violinist says: Takes one to know one!
Jacob says: Still obsessing about Leo?
Violinist says: Yeah ☹
Jacob says: Would you like for me to talk to him?
Violinist says: Dunno. I think if I do, it will have to be later on, I'll let you know.
Jacob says: It might be good for him & me to have a chat. You decide.
Violinist says: OK. I just really want him, Jake. ☹
Jacob says: Well, don't hold your breath. And don't do anything rash.
Violinist says: Nope. I'll try and control myself ☹
Jacob says: You need a good wank, young man!
Violinist says: Just did ;-)
Jacob says: You really are insatiable. But if it makes you happy…
Violinist says: Not make me happy, keeps me more or less sane!
Jacob says: Know what you mean.
Violinist says: Having dinner with him & his family tomorrow.
Jacob says: Well keep your hands to yourself and be careful!!
Violinist says: I'll be a paragon of virtue.
Jacob says: That'll be the day! ;-)
Violinist says: New kid starting tomorrow, another boy! ☺
Jacob says: OMG, you are incorrigible! I hope he's ugly as sin ;-)
Violinist says: <pouts> meanie!
Jacob says: Seriously, Jack, take it easy.
Violinist says: I will, I have no choice.
Jacob says: Still want to hear all about tomorrow though ;-)
Violinist says: K. I'll be in touch Sunday or Monday.
Jacob says: Jack, I just wish there was something more I could do.
Violinist says: Just being there is enough, Jake. I hope I could do the same for you.
Jacob says: You do, Jack, more than you'll know.
Violinist says: I hope so. Love you, Jake.
Jacob says: Luv U 2.
Violinist says: See ya.
Jacob says: See ya. Take care and BE CAREFUL!
I signed out thinking how fortunate I was in having a friend like Jacob. I knew a lot about him, but I wondered if he was really happy. He seemed to have everything in his life sorted out, but, if truth be known, I think I used him more than I should. I promised myself I would try and find out if Jake was really as happy as he sounded. I would try and be there for him just as much as he was there for me. As I sipped my whisky, I flipped through my e-mails, the usual penis-enlargement spam mails, mortgage deals and ads for Viagra. I hated spam! In amongst the ads, I had a couple of mails from guys I knew from far and wide and spent the next half-hour or so answering their mails. I then flicked through the 'adult-youth' stories on Nifty, but since I had met Leo, nothing in them seemed to turn me on any more. Leo was a real live turn-on and now all my j/o fantasies were built on his image.... like the one from the shower. Man, was that hot! I even
licked my lips as I thought about seeing Leo in the flesh tomorrow. I closed down the IM and my private e-mail address... there hadn't been a mail from Leo, which slightly disappointed me, but I figured if he had anything to say he would, so I left it at that.
I then went to work on my composing and lost myself to that for the rest of the evening. I stood up at about 11pm. Hannah was being very late at the office. I wondered what sort of crisis had come up. I decided I would turn in: the sooner I was asleep, the sooner tomorrow would come. I dimmed the lights downstairs and went up to bed. For once, I was in bed ahead of Hannah. I wondered whether or not to call her, but decided it was unnecessary; she had warned me she might be late. I tried to read for a while, but before I knew it, I was fast asleep.
